Home » About » “Things to Know” » Tips for Tops

Tips for Tops

1) Don’t be pushy. You will almost certainly be turned down at some point. The bottom may be sore, tired, or spaced out on endorphins. It is OK to ask again later, but remember no means no, and if you are too pushy your chances to play will actually decrease.

2) If the bottom is new to you, take some time to find out what they like and don’t like. Negotiate play beforehand, and don’t go beyond what was negotiated.

3) Basic social skills still work. If you are a Dom as well as a Top, that’s great! But that doesn’t mean bossy or rude. Be pleasant. Bossy is usually a turn-off.

4) On a related note, not all bottoms are submissives, and not all submissives are your submissives. If the bottom indicates that dominance is desired, then please feel free to accommodate, but make sure that it is part of the agreement.

5) Listen carefully for safewords. “Red” means “stop” and is unconditional.

6) If a bottom brats you, that IS to be construed as an invitation to play. But if they safeword, you stop.

7) When playing with a new implement or bottom, or with an implement or bottom that you haven’t played with in a while, or just as a general rule, it is always smart to start a little on the light side and build up. Not only is this a safety measure, but it usually works better for the bottom in terms of endorphin-building and pleasure. And a happy bottom is more likely to play with you again.

8) If you see a bottom with another Top most of the time, it’s polite to ask if they are together, and if it is OK to play. If you are with a submissive or bottom and somebody asks them to play, don’t be offended. That is the way spanking parties are. Let your submissive know to tell other tops to ask your permission if you wish. This is not a BDSM party, and the protocols are significantly more relaxed.

9) Aftercare is always a good thing, especially after a long spanking, but don’t get TOO affectionate. What a bottom usually needs is a soothing, friendly hug, some quiet time, and maybe some water, soda, or M & Ms.  Some bottoms like lotion applied to their spanked bottom.

10) During a multi-day party, try not to wear out the bottoms the first night. While not a hard and fast rule, hands and stingy, light toys are a good idea the first day. If you wear out a bottom too soon, they won’t be able to enjoy play for the rest of the party, which can get you a bad reputation.

11) As the top, you alone are responsible for what happens to the bottom during a spanking.  A bottom who is floaty from spanking often doesn’t realize it and may agree to anything.  A floaty bottom cannot accurately assess their condition, nor can they give informed consent to continue the spanking or increase the intensity.  “The bottom said it was OK during the spanking” or “The bottom didn’t use their safeword” are not acceptable excuses for going too far.  Be careful, monitor your bottom closely, don’t go beyond what was negotiated, and don’t get carried away. It’s better to stop too soon than too late.

12) After a bottom finishes a spanking, give them some time for their butt to recover and their head to clear before asking them to play.

13) Don’t involve yourself in another couple’s spanking.  Don’t ask if you can join in.  Don’t slap or touch a bottom without explicit consent.  If you see any of this happen without repercussions, it’s because everyone involved already knows each other very well.